“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:28-34
When I was in 5th grade, I decided that I wanted to become a veterinarian; more specifically a vet in a zoo. This decision wasn’t based on an unreachable, romanticized dream. No, I watched animal shows, read animal encyclopedias, and loved learning from surgeries being done on hurt animals in T.V. shows. I was sure of what I wanted to become when I got older.
My idea of becoming a vet was radically changed in 11th grade, when I did an internship at a pet hospital. I was very excited, and even got asked if I wanted to be present during a surgery on a dog. Of course I wanted that! I remember the vet explaining different things to me during the surgery, and then suddenly, everything became black…
I passed out, flat on the floor right in the middle of the everything.
When I woke up, I had no idea where I was, who I was, what my friends’ names were, orand in what grade I was in.
I had hit my head on the floor when I fainted, and had symptoms of a concussion. Even though I’d had this plan for what I wanted for my life for so many years, that day, I made the decision to end my goal of becoming a vet. I started asking myself “Why was I so caught up in what I wanted to become, instead of being myself right now?”
Over the course of my junior year, as I grew in my faith, I realized that I had not been fully living in the moment because I was so focused on planning for the future. I found a freedom in knowing my worth based on who I was in the present, and started to entrust my future to God. This trust brought me to finishing my Bachelor’s degree in 2016, and prompted me to discern serving in way I could never have imagined. I served as a NET Missionary in 2016-2017 and have been working for NET ever since.
Recently, I read in The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis, “… humans live in time but God destines them to eternity. He therefore, I believe, wants them to attend chiefly to two things, to eternity itself, and to that point of time which they call the Present. For the Present is the point at which time touches eternity.”
After reading this, I realized that God is here right now, and not in my longing back to what once was, or my anxious reach towards the future. I realized that in this exact moment, He wants me to live my life to the full, to become the best version of myself and to pursue holiness to be able to live for eternity.
Obviously, we need to take responsibility and think about our future, for example what classes you should take, or what college you should attend. This should not take control over us, though, or we won’t become what God created us to be at this specific time of our lives.
I am finding myself every day worrying about my future. Over the past two and a half years, I have been working for NET Ministries. This summer I will change jobs, and I do not yet have any concrete idea what I will do next, but some things that helps me get back into the present moment are prayer and thanksgiving. Giving thanks to the Lord makes me realize His blessings and His profound goodness around me. Then, in my prayer, I hear the Lord encouraging me to trust Him and to let Him love me in this present moment.
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” -Matthew 6:28-34